Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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