Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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