speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize