I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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