i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
