This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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