So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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