He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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