Your face is a jimmy john
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
