I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
