i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
