We won't sleep together?
i wish my penis had a tongue
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
