what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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