Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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