The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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