Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
