i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
