Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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