we have officially lost it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
