Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
