Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Holy shit dude........stairs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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