i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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