My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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