I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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