Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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