It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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