Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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