Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
