I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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