Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
