When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize