I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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