the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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