I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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