11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
