Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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