Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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