So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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