she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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