i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
