the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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