She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
