he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
