fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
