is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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