whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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