I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
