don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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