Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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