Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just high enough for therapy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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