Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
