This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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