I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
