The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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