take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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