Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
