dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
