Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
