Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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