can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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