Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
