That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
