you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
