peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
