He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
