just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
