I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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