Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize