cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
