when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
