please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
