remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
