i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
