Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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