Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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