You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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