remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
