So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
