Kiss
Puke
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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