Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
