The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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