Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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