I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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