do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
