I think I died a long time ago.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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