I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
