I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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