I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
