ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
