normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize