in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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