Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
