Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize