Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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